Chapter 1: Waking to a New Reality

I lay in bed, staring blankly at the photo.
On a black background, two tiny beads stood out.
Twins, they said.
‘Almost a month along already.’
I don’t know what I was thinking two years ago, but I must’ve decided to keep them.
Whatever I was thinking back then, it was my call, so I’ll respect it.
‘Will my memories even come back?’
The doctor said if I eat well, sleep well, and avoid stress, they might return soon.
‘How the hell do you avoid stress?’
My gender flipping was already p*ssing me off, and now marriage and pregnancy?
If I wrote this as a memoir, it’d sound like some trashy web novel, and I’d get roasted online.

“Ugh. So bored.”
My options in this hospital were pretty damn limited.
Jaehyuk, who said he’d bring my stuff, got called to the company and promised to come after.
Flipping through TV channels was the best I could do.
“What if all the shows I watched ended in those two years…?”
The drama on now was new, and so was the game.
Why’d the LoL teams change so much?
I turned off the TV and pulled out the desk attached to the bed.
Time to check out the hospital’s borrowed laptop.
I opened YouTube, and a curse slipped out automatically.
“…What kind of f*cking circus is this?”
I was the first-ever case of TS disease.
No one had it before me, apparently.
The doctor said a few others got it later, but the number never went past 200.
Back then, it was a disease, and I stayed quiet while people tore me apart online.
So why’s YouTube now sucking up to TS YouTubers?
Are they joking?
[Pros and Cons of Being TS?!]

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The comments were even wilder.
Wearing glasses because you can’t hear? That old meme still alive?
Sure, TS folks’ looks are next-level, but…
Hasn’t the vibe around this changed too much?
A TS person could wear a plain shirt, wave, and the internet would lose it.
Maybe it’s because I’m a patient too, but this just feels chaotic.
‘Tch, should I give it a shot?’
Could I make bank off this?
It’s a capitalist world—cash in while you can.
Tap, tap, tap.
I tapped the desk with my finger, an idea sparking.
Jaehyuk’s family is loaded, so money’s not an issue, right?
Hmm, maybe this marriage isn’t such a bad deal?
“As if.”
I shoved the dumb thoughts aside and focused on YouTube.
A ton of new YouTubers had popped up, and million-subscriber channels were everywhere.
‘…Why so many apology YouTubers?’
Black background with “I’m sorry” text—national rule or what?
Guess a lot went down in those two years.
I burned hours on YouTube until the sun set and darkness crept in.
That’s when Jaehyuk finally showed up.
“You’re here?”
“…”
Jaehyuk looked at me, his face heavy with emotion.
His eyes even got watery.
When did he turn into such a crybaby?
He unpacked the stuff he brought, neatly organizing it.
There was a laptop and a bunch of notebooks.
“Hold on.”
“Huh?”
“Gimme that laptop.”
I took it from Jaehyuk.
Pristine white, so light it barely felt real.
This was that crazy expensive laptop I saw online, right?
My hands shook as I looked at Jaehyuk.
“Who bought this?”
“You did.”
“…For real?”
“You begged me to get it…”
“Gasp.”
I held my breath, staring at the laptop.
Compared to the hospital’s clunky one… no contest.
What was I thinking two years ago, buying something this pricey? Where’s my shame?
Tap—
I set the laptop on the desk and opened it.
‘Holy sh*t.’
Proof we got married? Or that we liked each other?
The wallpaper was me and Jaehyuk, smiling by the ocean.
‘I can’t get used to this.’
I wanted to call Jaehyuk’s words lies, but the me in the photo looked so damn happy.
Seeing it made something warm and fuzzy bubble up inside.
‘Guess it was real.’
Should I try to get my memories back fast, or just stay like this?
Pushing the thought aside, I scanned the desktop.
My favorite mushroom-shaped game sat dead center, surrounded by tons of other games.
‘Guess a lot of new games came out in two years.’
There were titles I’d never seen before.
Maybe I’d play these while stuck here.
While I gawked at the laptop, Jaehyuk finished unpacking.
He sat on the empty space beside me and spoke.
“Hungry?”
“Hmm… not starving, but I could eat something.”
I figured the food here might be decent, but hospital food never changes.
Jaehyuk spoke again.
“Anything you want?”
“Hmm…”
Chicken or pizza came to mind, but they didn’t sound great.
If anything, I wanted something warm.
“Something hot. Is there a gukbap place nearby?”
“Yeah. That enough?”
“…You’re weird.”
“…”
“Why’re you being so nice to me?”
Jaehyuk’s eyes, which I thought were dry, started glistening again.
Seeing that made my chest ache in a weird, stinging way.
I patted him, telling him not to cry.
I mumbled some half-assed comfort about my memories coming back soon, not even believing it myself.
I got out of bed and changed.
No broken bones or anything from the accident—lucky, I guess?
Changing meant throwing a big Canada Goose parka over my hospital gown.
Jaehyuk carefully wrapped a scarf around me, then added fuzzy earmuffs and a beanie, looking satisfied.
While he got permission for us to go out, I checked myself in the mirror.
Ash-gray hair, ash-gray eyes.
I’m 148 cm, barely over 40 kg—skinny as hell.
My face was small and squirrel-like, all delicate features.
‘Huh… doesn’t feel too bad.’
Normally, I’d want to smash the mirror or hate my new self.
But weirdly, those feelings were gone.
No gut-level rejection of this body.
“Yeju, let’s go.”
“Yeah… okay.”
Jaehyuk stuck close as we walked.
I looked up at him.
He’s around 190 cm, the textbook perfect guy—good at everything, athletic, built.
His size is beastly; I’m probably 2.5 times smaller than him.
‘Anyone looking would think he’s my dad.’
While I had that dumb thought, we finally stepped outside the hospital.
Cold wind brushed my cheeks, and people bustled around.
The buildings glowed brightly, and the street’s energy hadn’t changed a bit.
“Haa.”
I exhaled, white breath rising into the air.
When I got TS disease, I was stuck in isolation forever.
Being outside like this after so long felt insanely sweet.
“It’s cold, so be careful. Your body’s weak—you gotta watch out.”
Jaehyuk, worried about me breathing with my scarf down, pulled it back over my mouth.
True, TS patients usually have weak immune systems and frail bodies.
He must’ve clocked that, because he suggested we head to his car.
“Let’s walk. I wanna walk for once.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.”
I was shivering, but I wanted to walk.
Jaehyuk fidgeted nervously beside me.
His constant glancing around got on my nerves, and I had something for him to do.
“Jaehyuk.”
“Yeah.”
“Tell me what I did in those two years. I’m bored.”
“…You really wanna know?”
“Yeah.”
Even if TS messed me up, I must’ve done something.
We were working on band music—maybe I got famous?
I let my imagination run wild as Jaehyuk spoke calmly.
“You were a shut-in for a year.”
The sudden gut-punch left me speechless.
I blinked, stunned, and asked again.
“For real?”
“Yeah.”
No way… I’m this upbeat now, right?
But Jaehyuk didn’t stop.
“Back then, online reactions were way worse. You quit music and holed up in your room for a year.”
“…Oh, yeah.”
“While cursing TS YouTubers milking views, you smashed a bunch of keyboards.”
I had nothing to say.
Seeing those TS YouTubers did make my blood boil, so he wasn’t wrong.
I tucked a stray hair into my beanie and listened.
“After that year, you picked up your old stuff again. Started music too.”
“Any albums?”
“You weren’t that dedicated.”
“…”
“You got sick of staying home, tried a part-time job, almost got screwed over, then dated me and got married.”
“You’re still skipping a lot, huh?”
Jaehyuk opened his mouth, but his eyes got watery again.
“You wrote a lot on that laptop. I never looked, but it’s probably in there.”
“Hmm, got it.”
As the talk wrapped up, we reached the restaurant.
My eyes met the lady at the counter.
A brief silence.
She tilted her head, then smiled brightly and grabbed my hand.
“Oh! Miss! Long time no see!”
“Uh… hi?”
Who the hell is this lady?