Chapter 8: Fever Dreams and Tangled Hearts

–What! Am! I! Worrying! About!
I pounded the blanket with my fists, shouting.
Was there ever a time like this…?
I kept hitting, then grabbed my head and said.
–Fck, Yeju, you’re a man… a man…
I had worried about this before.
I buried my nose in the blanket and mumbled.
–You jrk… why do you keep smiling at me like that? You didn’t before I got sick. What if you’re a spy?
Then I paused and tapped my chest.
–Calm down already… always freaking out.
Lying there with my nose buried, I sat up.
Jaehyuk helping me feels so easy, so good.
But what if all that care goes to someone else…
Thud.
I leaned my forehead against the wall.
–Just close my eyes and do it?
While Jaehyuk’s attention is on me, while he smiles at me like that.
Shouldn’t I just grab it?
Instead of waffling, just close my eyes and go for it.
The scenes kept shifting, then changed at some point.
“Wake up. You okay?”
“Uh… huh…?”
Jaehyuk was right in front of me.
Wow, did I really just close my eyes and do it back then?
Is this a dream?
“You’re burning up.”
“…”
Jaehyuk’s hand touched my forehead, cool and soothing.
Yesterday it was warm; today it’s cooling me down.
‘Am I running a fever?’
I could tell I was out of it, detached from my usual state.
Jaehyuk started to get up.
“Gonna call the hospital…”
“Don’t go.”
I grabbed his clothes, clinging.
He was stuck in an awkward half-standing, half-sitting pose.
I looked up.
Why does his gaze, fixed only on me, feel so familiar, so joyful?
‘…Just close my eyes?’
I pulled him toward me.
Despite his size, he let himself be dragged, which was kind of funny.
He settled back on the bed, and I crawled closer on my knees.
“Yeju?”
“…Hyuk.”
I brushed my hair out of my face and leaned in.
Jaehyuk froze, not even breathing, just staring.
“Close my eyes and do it?”
I propped myself on his leg, locking eyes with him.
My hair fell to the side, blocking everything but him.
He was all I could see.
“…You seem really sick.”
“Sick? What’s sick? Wanna just close our eyes and do it?”
“Yeju, back off…”
Thud.
What’s happening?
My strength drained, and I collapsed onto him.
Jaehyuk barely caught my falling body.
His flushed face turned pale in an instant.
“M-Mom! Emergency! Yeju, wake up! What’s going on…!”
At 6 a.m., an unexpected alarm blared.

“This is our first TS patient pregnancy… and with memory loss, we don’t know much. Sorry.”
“Not your fault, Doctor.”
Jaehyuk brought me to the hospital early morning.
I was groggy, like I’d been drugged.
“Let’s go home… I hate it here.”
“…”
I’d never acted like this, before or after losing my memory.
My slurred speech came out messy, but it suited my current state.
The doctor, watching, barely spoke.
“She’s a TS patient… first pregnancy… with memory loss, so we can’t prescribe much. But there’s no major issue with her body.”
“…”
Jaehyuk looked at me, still dazed.
I’d been mumbling sleepily, now leaning on him, eyes closed.
My shallow breaths showed I was asleep.
‘She’s okay…’
Jaehyuk couldn’t handle me earlier.
It was a first—my usual subtle flirting was familiar, but this direct approach was new.
He adjusted to let me lean comfortably, then spoke to the doctor.
“When will her memory come back…?”
“Oh.”
Jaehyuk mentioned my recalling the kitchen incident.
The doctor rolled a pen and said.
“Probably gradually, triggered by related events. Or it could all rush back at once.”
“…”
“We can’t choose how it returns. She’s a unique case… so when bad or good memories come back, make sure she’s not overwhelmed.”
“Got it.”
After the visit, Jaehyuk tried to wake me, but I wouldn’t budge.
No choice but to carry me to the car and buckle me in.
His phone buzzed.
“Hey, Mom.”
–[How’s Yeju?]
Of course, it was Han Jeongsuk.
The family panicked seeing me collapse that morning.
Jaehyuk barely stopped his parents from coming along.
He said.
“Not a big problem, they said.”
–[Phew… why’d it happen this morning?]
“Memory issues, and it’s pretty much a first for them…”
TS wasn’t just a disease.
It erased a person overnight, creating a new one.
Even if you got prettier or handsomer, the penalties were real.
The body became absurdly weak.
Men-to-women TS patients had it worse—no matter how much they ate, they didn’t gain weight or muscle.
–[Bring her home quick. You’ve got work.]
“Yeah, got it. Hanging up. Be there soon.”
The call ended, and Jaehyuk absentmindedly stroked my still hand.
If he hadn’t forgotten those papers at home that day, this wouldn’t have happened.
You wouldn’t have suffered like this.
At least he should’ve stayed sober.
“Haa…”
They say karma comes back.
He built the karma, so why was I paying for it?
I approached him first when he didn’t even know his own heart—why was he so helpless now?
“I wish everything would go back to normal.”
Jaehyuk frowned, speaking to me as I slept.
Of course, I couldn’t hear him.

Love doesn’t come from big moments.
It starts with small things.
Normally, people overlook those small things.
When my family left me, I realized Mom’s “be careful driving” or Dad’s “buy something tasty with friends” weren’t things to brush off.
The harder life gets, the more you seek those small things.
They pile up to reclaim a past that wasn’t so tough.
After everything flipped, what was left for me?
Music?
My music was already torn apart.
Old performance videos, our songs, got some praise, but they became an emotional dumpster in a flash.
My parents came up to comfort me, but there were limits.
TS kept me stuck here, and they had their own lives.
In that mess, Jaehyuk was my constant support.
That’s when I noticed the small things from him.
He took care of the new, not-normal me in every way.
I used to eat out a lot, but when I avoided going out, he brought side dishes, ate lunch with me instead of others.
–Why do you always eat with me?
–Why not?
–You didn’t used to care this much.
–What’s better than a friend?
Friend, a good friend.
After that, whenever something happened, Jaehyuk ran to me first.
When a creep harassed me, or TS anti-fans threatened me openly.
Jaehyuk was always there or the first to show up.
…He’s always been like that.
Since I struggled to adjust in school.
He’s probably like that with others too, right?
If someone else enters his circle, he’ll do the same.
Then he’ll get closer to them.
Those small things, now bigger than anything to me—can I just watch that happen?
‘No way…’
I can’t forget this.
I shouldn’t.
Overwhelmed by my rising feelings, I forced my eyes open.
The throbbing headache eased, and the fever cooled.
“You’re awake. Let me check.”
Jaehyuk, right beside me, touched my forehead.
“…You didn’t go to work?”
“Went and came back. You slept the whole time.”
“…That long?”
“Yeah. Didn’t wanna wake you. Feeling better?”
“Uh…”
“Hungry?”
“A bit.”
“Wanna eat something?”
“…”
I clamped my mouth shut and looked up at him.
No memories—am I allowed to feel this way?
Thump, thump, thump.
I lifted the blanket up to my neck and threw it over Jaehyuk’s head.
He was clueless, wrapped up in it.
In a voice too soft for him to hear, I mumbled.
“What did I do to myself…”