Chapter 6: Cuts, Cravings, and New Beginnings

“Move over. Time to show my skills.”
About a month after we got married, Jaehyuk handed me the kitchen reins.
My dish of choice? Japchae.
I’d lived alone before, so I was confident I’d nail it.
But I overlooked two things.
After getting TS, I never cooked for myself.
I either ate Jaehyuk’s side dishes, let him cook, or we went out to eat.
And my reach was way shorter now, with a body I still couldn’t get used to.
Whoosh—
Instead of a clean knife sound, an uneasy noise came from my confident grip.
Jaehyuk shot up from his seat.
I stared at my hand, dumbfounded.
I’d sliced it good.
“Wow.”
“Yeju, Yeju!”
“Sh*t.”
It didn’t cut off, but blood gushed out.
The pain hit late, and I groaned.
That night, we rushed to the hospital.
That was Jaehyuk’s first memory of a kitchen incident.
The only silver lining was no scar.
After that, countless kitchen disasters followed.
Jaehyuk banned me from the kitchen.
I insisted I could make great japchae, but he shut it down.
This time, though, he made a big mistake.
Maybe this Yeju’s different!

Slice—
“…”
I stared at the blood pouring from my hand.
Not a trickle, but a fountain shooting upward.
Guess I’m this bad with a knife.
“Ugh…”
The pain came late.
Jaehyuk’s face turned pale in a flash.
He told me to stay still, really still, while he grabbed medicine.
Drip, drip.
Blood hit the floor, and a sharp pain stabbed my head.
“Damn it…”
I’m such an idiot—got hurt like this before, and now again.
Back then, I couldn’t handle my small hands and got cut.
Now, still not used to them, blood’s flowing like a river.
“I’m f-f-fine.”
I’m the one hurt, but Jaehyuk’s hands were shaking more.
You were shakier than me back then too.
Yelling at the doctor like crazy.
“Hyuk.”
“…”
“I called you Hyuk, not Jaehyuk, right?”
“You remember? H-how much? Wait, that’s not the point…”
“That I got hurt like this once. Just that.”
“…”
But you standing there makes it hurt more…
I held out my hand, and Jaehyuk snapped out of his daze to wrap it in bandages.
“We should go to the hospital…”
“It’s less than last time. Some ointment from here’ll fix it.”
I looked at Jaehyuk, practically teary-eyed, and said.
“Sorry. I remember now—I’ve got no talent for cooking.”
“It’s fine…”
I glanced at the box he brought.
It was stuffed with every kind of medicine—like he could open a pharmacy.
All because of me.
Not knowing when or how I’d get hurt.
Jaehyuk always looked out for me because of that anxiety.
Even in this moment I just remembered.
I spread my arms wide and stared at him.
He looked puzzled.
I hugged his neck as he knelt before me.
I felt him stop breathing.
His trembling arms slowly wrapped around me.
I felt two big hands on my back.
‘Not bad.’
My head’s a mess, but my body didn’t mind—actually, it felt good.
Honestly, my brain’s been scrambled this whole time.
Pregnant, smashing people’s heads, living with Jaehyuk.
I could stay calm because it all felt unreal.
Like I’m alone on a giant ship, adrift.
But Jaehyuk’s warmth chased that feeling away.
This warmth told me.
Everything I’m facing is real, not fake.
Jaehyuk breathing by my ear, and my own breaths too.
I buried my face in his shoulder and mumbled.
“Hyuk.”
“Yeah.”
“My head’s all jumbled, and I don’t get the details.”
“Yeah.”
“Is that okay? Me like this?”
“If you’re offering, I’ll take it all.”
His words brought an unstoppable smile to my face.
Even without memories, my heart filled in the gaps and then some.
I slowly pulled away and said.
“Hey, take responsibility.”
“Words I’ve been dying to hear.”
“Uh… but I’ve got one request right now, okay?”
I shifted my gaze from his face downward.
My heart’s one thing, but without memories, I can’t handle that.
“Can we keep some distance…”
“But you hugged me firs—okay, fine.”
Jaehyuk let go and went back to the kitchen.

What Jaehyuk made felt like a meal for a Joseon king.
Is this when you say the table legs would break?
Glossy red-sauced pork neck, homemade side dishes filling the table.
“Wow, when’d you learn to make this?”
“My mom taught me so you wouldn’t get your hands wet.”
“Hmm.”
Lady Han, you’re the best, Mother.
I slid a glass of water to Jaehyuk and picked up my chopsticks.
The food smelled amazing at first glance.
But then, it didn’t.
“Ugh.”
A sudden urge to puke hit.
I panicked, and Jaehyuk’s eyes went wide.
“Urgh…”
I clamped my mouth shut and ran to the bathroom.
I gripped the toilet and let it all out.
“Haa… haa…”
What’s this at sacred dinnertime?
Tap, tap, tap.
Jaehyuk rubbed my back, asking if I was okay.
…Then I vaguely recalled the doctor’s words.
[You were about four weeks when admitted, so now it’s six weeks. Can’t say morning sickness won’t hit… when it does…]
I don’t remember the rest, but “morning sickness” stuck.
Me, with morning sickness.
It felt weird but so, so painful.
I turned to Jaehyuk.
“You… eat.”
“How can I eat without you?”
“That… ugh, eat and clean it up… ventilate too…”
“…”
Jaehyuk hesitated, then went out.
Instead of eating, I heard him cleaning up.
Idiot, I told you to eat.
“Ugh…”
I collapsed on the sofa like dried squid.
Jaehyuk was frantically talking to someone on the phone.
“Mom, Yeju’s got morning sickness… yeah, uh-huh… what?”
“What’d Mother say…”
“Mother…?”
“What?”
“Nothing, Mom’s coming over.”
“For real?”
If she’s coming, I’m all for it.
Lady Han’s been nursing me so long, my fondness for her broke the max limit.
Sure enough, she arrived soon after.
“Oh, Yeju, you okay?”
“Yeees.”
She grabbed my cheeks, stretched them, patted my arms and shoulders.
Saying I’ve been through a lot.
Then she turned to Jaehyuk.
“What were you doing while she’s wasting away?”
“Mom, she got discharged today.”
“Sigh. Did I raise my son like this?”
“No, Mom.”
“Poor Yeju, suffering like this…”
Jaehyuk couldn’t say a word, just took the hits.
Lady Han told him to grab something.
He brought a basket stuffed with fruit.
“Thought fruit might be okay… wanna try?”
“Yup.”
I looked inside the basket.
Apples, all sorts of fruits, and one that looked easy to eat and keep down.
‘Green grapes?’
Pretty big for green grapes.
As I kept eating the green ones, Lady Han’s face lit up.
“Jaehyuk, buy a bunch of these.”
“Glad you’re eating something.”
I don’t usually eat fruit—my family stuck to apples, tangerines, strawberries, that’s it.
First time seeing these.
Green grapes?
“What are these?”
“Oh, Shine Muscat. Tasty?”
“Yeah, super tasty.”
My hands didn’t stop, and I only quit when the stems were bare.
Now that I know the taste, I want more.
“I’ll bring plenty tomorrow, so eat as much as you want.”
“Thanks.”
Jaehyuk’s words cheered me up.
Finding something I can eat? Huge win.
I tried eating everything else, but meat, veggies, most stuff made me gag.
Now I get how precious food is…
“Yeju, Seulgi asked for a favor.”
“Mom did?”
“She can’t come herself, so she asked me to look after you… wanna stay at our place for a bit?”
Living alone with Jaehyuk’s fine.
But as I glanced at him, Lady Han spoke.
“He’s not always around, right? He’s got work…”
True, Jaehyuk’s got a job.
It’s the weekend, so we’re good, but weekdays? I’d be alone.
And if it’s Mom’s request… well.
“I think that’s better… you okay with it?”
Jaehyuk nodded at Lady Han’s words.
Uncomfortable…
Aside from not knowing how his little sister will treat me, I don’t see any issues.
“I think I’m good.”
“Then let’s go now!”
“Huh?”

“Jaehyuk, grab the bags.”
“Okay.”
Talk about fast.
I thought we’d move tomorrow, but I’m already packing my stuff.
Jaehyuk hauled three bags on his own.
All I carried was a guitar, just in case.
Lady Han’s house is like something from a chaebol drama.
A little park out front… it’s got everything.
“Phew.”
I took a deep breath.
In this family, Jaehyuk visited me the most.
The next most frequent?
“Eek! Unnie!!”
A dolphin-like squeal echoed from afar.
My body flinched instinctively.
That voice belongs to Jaehyuk’s one and only sister, who used to slip in and out of my place like a weasel.