Chapter 9: Assistant Day 2 (4)
‘I’m dizzy.’
A low hum of tinnitus echoed in my ears.
“Haneul, are you okay?”
A handsome boy asks me that.
‘I’m not okay at all.’
But my mouth uttered words completely opposite to my true feelings.
“I’m fine…”
Wait.
But where is this place?
I frowned and looked around.
First, the blanket draped over my knees.
It was excessively soft and cozy.
I usually use cheap blankets because such blankets make me want to lie in bed for a long time.
‘This isn’t my bed.’
As I realized that, my mind became clear.
Sniff, sniff.
The peculiar smell I’d noticed earlier.
‘Disinfectant?’
The sharp, pungent smell of disinfectant.
“Is this… the nurse’s office?”
I asked in a trembling voice.
“Yes. Why?”
Yuseong, flustered, answered my question.
Ah.
I covered my face with my hands.
Why?
Why did I come here?
This is the one place I must never come to…
“I have to leave.”
Thump!
I pushed the blanket away and stood up.
“I have to leave right now.”
I asked Yuseong, who was looking at me in bewilderment.
“The teacher? He’s not here, right?”
I asked in a desperate tone.
‘Please.’
‘Not that.’
“No. He’s not here.”
Haa. That’s a relief, at least.
I was about to sigh in relief, but I stumbled and headed for the nurse’s office door.
There was no time to waste like this.
I had to leave as soon as possible.
“Haneul? You can rest a little longer, you know?”
‘No.’
‘I must not encounter the Nurse Teacher.’
I don’t know why I woke up here, but I can’t let the strict rule I’ve kept so well become useless.
“Let’s go outside. Let’s talk outside.”
When I looked at him with desperate eyes, Yuseong swallowed hard.
“Alright! Let’s go!”
I nodded, showing my gratitude to the energetic girl who had answered.
Now that I looked closely, it wasn’t just Yuseong.
Seorin and… Lee Juwon?
‘Why is he here?’
‘First, let’s get out.’
Let’s go somewhere the Nurse Teacher isn’t.
“Haneul, are you really okay?”
“Haaah, haaah.”
I used my ability to calm my shortness of breath.
“Ugh…”
“Haneul?”
‘Good. This should be far enough.’
I stopped and looked back.
All three of them were perfectly fine.
‘Tch. I’m the only one who’s weak.’
We ran the same distance, yet I was the only one breathing heavily.
‘As expected, the world is unfair.’
As I mulled over the words I muttered every day, Yuseong asked.
“Why did you run away so urgently?”
“Nurse Teacher…”
Wait.
I bit my fingernail.
‘Why was I in the nurse’s office?’
‘Let me try to remember.’
‘Memories…’
‘D*mn it.’
“Aargh!”
“Haneul! Calm down!”
Seorin grabbed me as I tore at my hair.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
My memory is blank.
This can’t be happening.
All causes and effects must perfectly align.
‘Why is this happening?’
‘Did he find out, by any chance?’
‘Even though I was so careful?’
“Haneul?”
‘No. Calm down.’
I repeated to myself, looking at Yuseong’s face as he questioned me.
‘I’m normal. No matter what happens, I’m normal.’
‘At least my appearance must be fine.’
‘I must not show weakness in front of the protagonist.’
‘I’m a fcking, dmn normal person!’
So don’t give up on me.
Muttering curses to myself seemed to make me feel a little better.
‘I’ll think about it later. Later.’
I should only reveal my unstable side when I’m alone.
Because I always have to be perfect.
I spoke to Yuseong, who was looking at me with a peculiar expression.
“I’m fine. I was just a little dizzy for a moment.”
‘Yes. I’m normal.’
‘This is definitely not because there’s something wrong with my mind.’
‘At least, it has to seem that way to Yuseong.’
“Seorin, can you let go of me?”
I asked Seorin, who was pressing my arm with strong force.
“Huh? Oh… oh.”
The discrepancy between my convulsing state just moments ago and my surprisingly calm demeanor now seemed very stark.
So much so that Seorin was flustered.
‘I made a mistake.’
It was so painful that I showed a fragment of emotion just now.
‘It’s okay. It’s still at a level that can be smoothed over.’
So, let’s make a good excuse now.
“I just had a seizure because I was in pain. No need to worry too much.”
“Seizure?”
“Yeah. It started suddenly last night.”
“Then isn’t it dangerous? You should get a health check-up at a proper hospital, not just the nurse’s office.”
I smiled at Yuseong, who was looking at me with concern.
‘Still, it’s a relief that I’ve built up something.’
It seems that my bond with Yuseong won’t be shaken by a mere incident like this.
Still, if things like this accumulate, who knows, so I should be careful.
“It’s okay. The Nurse Teacher… said I’d get better soon.”
Somehow, I seemed to have succeeded in convincing them.
“I’ll be right back, I’m just going to the restroom.”
To buy myself time to think, I separated from them.
I crouched in a corner of the hallway and mumbled.
“Memory. I have to find out what the lost memory is.”
‘How many times is this now?’
I pulled out the notebook from my pocket.
‘Notebook.’
“No. I can’t trust this.”
The teacher must have played tricks.
I need another means.
So… something I promised myself.
Leave a mark every time I wake up in the nurse’s office.
“Right. I won’t be foolishly caught like in the original. I’ve prepared countermeasures in advance.”
The original Yu Haneul notices something strange but does nothing.
That’s why she easily crumbled.
I can’t express how frustrating it was to watch her.
If you feel something strange, you should at least record it.
But I’m different.
I’ve constantly analyzed the original scenario and prepared countless safeguards.
‘Tch.’
Given that my memory is erased like this now, it seems the safeguards weren’t very effective.
“It’s okay. I didn’t have high expectations for things like that anyway.”
I whispered to myself, but the lingering regret was inevitable.
Because I had, in fact, had expectations.
My top priority was not to become the Nurse Teacher’s prey.
But now that this has happened, it’s probably right to assume that all of that was meaningless.
I spread my trembling hand wide open.
‘…Please.’
It’s clean.
A white, soft, fine hand.
“Haa.”
I let out a deep sigh of relief.
‘Is this the first time?’
It’s a blessing in disguise.
Grind.
I bit my pinky finger.
Hard enough to taste the metallic tang of blood.
Then I healed it.
A little gently.
Just enough to leave a slight tooth mark on the injured area.
This is one mark.
A rule I vowed to keep every time I woke up in the nurse’s office.
A rule I thought I would never have to put into practice.
But the incident has already occurred, and I must struggle to avoid tragedy.
“Five more times left…”
Five times until mental erosion.
Ring finger, middle finger, index finger, thumb.
When all my fingers have tooth marks, that’s the last line of defense.
The final line of defense where my self-awareness still remains.
If I don’t solve this within that time, I will meet my ruin.
I will be subjugated.
I will be continuously forced by the teacher to do inhumane things, then die miserably.
“I’ll stop it.”
I have to change fate.
“I can still do it.”
I don’t know why the first opportunity was lost, but I won’t be caught next time.
My vigilance is at its peak.
So.
Tap!
Sooo…
“Miss Haneul? What are you thinking about?”
My mind goes blank.
“Yuseong…!”
Thump!
I tried to call for help, but my mouth was covered.
“Mmph…”
I glared at the teacher with blazing eyes.
“Yes. That look. I like that you’re alive.”
He stroked my hair with a satisfied smile.
“I originally intended to wait until tomorrow, but then I realized Miss Haneul has an awful lot of variables.”
Stroke, stroke.
“I can tell from your current appearance, Miss Haneul. The blankness in your memory is very distressing, isn’t it? Are you confused about waking up in the nurse’s office, unlike yesterday?”
‘Yesterday?’
D*mn it. It seems this wasn’t the first time.
Fear washes over me.
‘Surely, this wasn’t the last chance, was it?’
“Don’t cry. I’m just trying to make Miss Haneul comfortable.”
The liquid gathered in my eyes was wiped away by the teacher’s finger.
‘Bullsh*t.’
“I’ll help you go about your daily life without problems. So you can spend time comfortably with your friends.”
‘Is he going to grant my wish before completely killing my personality?’
‘Don’t talk nonsense.’
‘I’m going to see the end of this world with a clear mind.’
‘I’m going to watch your death.’
“If you constantly give off such wariness in your daily life, I might become suspicious, you know? Though, I’ve thoroughly hidden the evidence, so it won’t have much effect.”
The teacher spoke brazenly.
“So, enjoy your daily life with your friends. Make some memories too.”
Pfft.
“Because your relationships with your friends will probably end there.”
‘No.’
‘Don’t.’
‘Don’t say such ominous things.’
“I’ll fill in the blank in your memory.”
‘Don’t fill it.’
‘It’s obviously going to be memories full of fakes.’
I kicked, but it was meaningless.
“Alright. Snap your fingers, and you’ll regain your memory.”
The teacher gave a sly smile.