Chapter 5: Flashback (3)
‘The Beloved Ones.’
Elves.
When you first see them, you’ll be captivated by their appearance.
Their beautiful features, as if God himself had sculpted them, are so perfect that it’s almost a shame to compare them to anyone, except perhaps another elf.
As you get to know them, you’ll admire their abilities.
With the same effort, they achieve twice or three times the results.
And the moment you understand them, people can’t help but feel jealous of them.
Their lifespan is many times longer.
Even if you train your whole life, you can’t surpass them, and that’s not even the end of their lives.
Even though you feel like you’ve reached your limit, they look further.
That’s what it means to be a Beloved One.
I’m Erika, an elf who is about to turn 60 this year.
To humans, I’m old enough to be called a grandmother, but among elves, I’m still just a child who hasn’t even dried the blood off their head.
Following the Goddess’s command, as the elder’s daughter and a genius archer among my kind, I embarked on a journey with humans.
Even among elves, I’m called a genius, so I thought, would humans be any different?
Oh my, they weren’t.
The hero, that woman, was intense from the first impression.
Wearing thick armor, with her gauntleted hand resting on the hilt of her sword,
Such presence!
She showed a strength that made the human knights beside her pale in comparison.
And the saintess just gaped.
Our race is considered the most beautiful, but
Her beauty was also remarkable.
Moreover, that feeling, as if radiance was emanating from behind her, oh my.
Just like the saying, “not a chosen race, but a chosen one,” she was truly sacred.
…I was a little embarrassed to stare at her, so I turned my head away.
And the man who joined was so absurd.
No blessing, no genius.
So recklessly, how could he decide to join our adventure, to a place we don’t even know?
…I like his guts.
Moreover, he said he’d take care of all the chores?
Come to think of it, it doesn’t seem so bad.
Like laundry,
…And cooking. Because I don’t know how to do those things.
‘A scar on a man’s back is a shame?’
That’s a funny saying. I’ve never heard of it.
So I jokingly said I’d stick an arrow in him if he ran away.
I’m already looking forward to the adventure.
Looking forward my ass, what is this?
Isn’t it over after shooting an arrow?
Shouldn’t they just fall over when I shoot them in the head?
Father, teacher. Did you lie to me?
Why are they running towards me even after being hit?
Why are they struggling until the very end with those bloodshot eyes?
There’s blood on my hands.
It’s so dirty.
I’m tired, I’m scared.
Wasn’t I just supposed to shoot arrows?
Did I have to see this terrible sight?
Father, brothers, and sisters who guarded the border.
Have you lived seeing this?
I now understand why my father opposed it.
…I wish I hadn’t come.
I wish I had just lived as the elder’s daughter, without knowing anything.
But… I shouldn’t show my weak side.
Here, I’m the oldest, the only one who has set foot on such a battlefield.
I’m scared too, but I have to do what I have to do.
Hugging this little saintess who is trembling and crying,
Telling her it’s okay.
But I know.
That I’m trying to hide the fact that my hands are trembling,
That I’m hugging her tightly.
…He’s a more amazing person than I thought, that man.
Woo, Woojin, was it?
I don’t remember yesterday’s events well, but
Surely this tent, this bedding, and this fire.
Above all, this delicious smell –
Must have all been done by that man.
Who was on watch?
Ah, Woojin was.
…Amazing.
I guess I was wrong to think he’d be useful at first.
He’s really useful!
…Wait a minute, I don’t have to eat.
Ah, I didn’t tell them?
“I’m an elf, I don’t need to eat often.
Humans, you have to eat every time, right?
I’m fine. Just an apple is enough.”
“Oh, is that so? Still, try a bite of this. I’m sure it will be delicious.”
Yes, it looks like it.
This stimulating smell, makes my mouth water.
‘Human food is quite difficult to handle, right?
Spicy, strong, they often eat things that are bad for their bodies.
Because of that, many of them have terrible body odor.
Be careful, Erika. The adventure will be quite difficult.’
…Did my teacher say that?
But
But teacher,
Once, once is okay… right?
…I still think about the food.
Stew, was it? That?
…When he said meat, I felt a lot of resistance.
Now, when I see a deer, I think it looks delicious rather than cute –
No! No!
Such a terrible thought!
Cute, cute!
Not for eating! Friends of nature!
But still, it would be really delicious –
…Let’s stop.
If I train, my mind will be cleared a little.
Ah… I want to eat stew…
Twang –
“Hiiik!”
“…! Are you okay?”
A mistake, I shouldn’t let my mind wander during shooting practice!
“It didn’t hit you. That’s a relief.”
“Ye…yes. Were you practicing?”
“Yeah. By the way, be careful. Who will cook that delicious food if you get hurt…”
“…You seem to be very interested in cooking?”
“That’s right. Tender meat… heehee… eek! No, no! I’m not interested! No, it’s delicious! No, what am I saying!”
It’s all because of the meat! As expected, cooking is dangerous! My mouth is going crazy!
This way, there’s no dignity of an elder or anything!
“Umm… then how about this?
I will teach you how to cook.
And you train me.”
“Train… you say? You don’t really need to fight. Just cook delicious food, and that’s it, right?”
Ah, my inner thoughts came out again.
No, these are not my inner thoughts.
I don’t know. I want to eat meat.
“Pfft… ah, no. I mean.
It seems like you’re paying too much attention to me during battle.
If I become someone who can take care of myself, the hero’s burden will be reduced, you can see further, and the saintess can move more freely, so I thought about it. How about it?”
Not a bad idea.
Are you trying to be more useful?
Well, that’s why you came along in the first place. It’ll be okay to take care of you a little more, right?
It’s not because of the meat…
It’s never a loss to learn how to cook delicious food.
Yeah.
It’s because of the meat.
No, it’s not!
…Uh, why is the saintess’s face dark?
It’s a stew I made with all my heart.
It’s a little darker, but doesn’t that mean that the flavor of the ingredients has been brought out well?
“Come on, Saintess. Try it!”
“Uh… aah… Archer, I understand your sincerity, but this…”
“Ser, seriously. Are you trying to refuse my cooking?”
No way. The saintess is so kind.
“…Here!”
In the blink of an eye, the spoon went into Woojin’s mouth –
“Cough!”
With a single scream, he collapsed on the spot.
“Uh, uh? Woojin?”
“Hiiik! I, I’m sorryyy!”
Leaving the saintess crying and casting heal, I looked at the stew I made.
“The meat will definitely be delicious…”
Why, do I feel a strong… black energy from this?
Close my eyes and try it.
Meat, is delicious.
…I realized that I had lost consciousness, the next morning.
While traveling, I realized that I had changed a lot.
I now understand that our race is quite arrogant.
That we are superior to others, with that one fact, we implicitly look down on others,
That we can do anything, that we don’t even need to mix with others,
The fact that such thoughts are so naturally ingrained in my mind,
It’s strange that it bothers me so much now.
…I realized all this thanks to the appearance of my companions whom I traveled with,
And above all, this man who broke my stereotypes was the biggest factor.
When I came to my senses, I was staring at his face.
Blushing and looking away, he’s so cute,
…And when I noticed that the other companions were looking at him with similar eyes to mine.
…Tsk.
Should I hurry up and confess my feelings?
It’s the front line soon, right?
Soon, all that’s left is to defeat the Demon King and return, right?
That’s not the problem.
The bigger problem is that I will be separated from him.
Is there no way?
A way to be with him…
…Come to think of it, there were women who were banished.
Even though they were called ‘unclean blood’ and driven out, they just accepted it silently.
Thinking the same as me…
Maybe,
Maybe…
“…Crunch.”
A slightly fishy taste was felt on my lips.
“…Archer, blood.”
An exhausted voice. The saintess, she touches my lips.
I just silently accept her touch.
“You… perhaps.”
“Yes, Archer.”
“That healing ability. Perhaps…”
“…”
“No. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No. That kind of thing. Even if it works, do you think I would use it like that?”
“…I know, I know!”
“If you knew how much we did to him – ”
Thud.
“Ugh-!”
Blood also flows from her mouth.
Probably, she bit her tongue when the carriage jolted.
“Did you bite your tongue?”
“…It’s okay. This small wound. Compared to his…”
“Just heal it. If you bite your tongue, it’s hard to talk.”
“…He died without being able to speak.”
“…”
“What, sob, what more can I do…”
“…Stop,”
“I can alleviate the hatred towards me…”
Stop, please.
You’re not the only one.
I want to cut off these cursed ears too.
I know well,
What I said to insult him with these.
I want to pull out my tongue too.
I know well,
What words I uttered with this wriggling piece of flesh.
My bow, my quiver,
Me, who secretly aimed at his back,
Me, who swung an arrow at his startled face,
I want to smash and burn them all.
Stop it, please.
If you do that too, I don’t know what to do.
The hateful words that came out of my mouth
And the terrible things I did with my hands
And my face smiling while doing such things
Nothing is right, really –
“Let’s calm down, us, okay…?”
“Ar, archer…”
“…We have to stop… uh… uh-huh…”
Thud.
“Mmm.”
Finally, I learned how to sleep.
Like when we camped,
If I crouch in front of the fire and sleep, I can sleep in the warmth.
Of course, getting soot on my face is another problem.
I have to wash my body and face, so I headed to the river.
By the way, I realized that the clothes I was wearing were a mess.
Not only was the armor broken, but even the clothes were rags.
Well, after being torn apart so mercilessly, it would be funnier to expect the clothes on my torso to be intact.
“…Scars.”
When I arrived at the river and washed my face, there were scars.
The wound on my stomach was gone, but for some reason, there was a scar on my face, as if it had been cut diagonally.
“Ah, this…”
I didn’t have a seizure anymore.
I already knew that everything was real.
That everything they did was an inescapable reality,
That those days, which come to mind every time I look back on myself, are all true.
‘You hideous human, don’t look at me with those eyes!’
Flinch,
I looked so ridiculous, cringing like that.
It wouldn’t have been sincere.
Everything must have been the Demon King’s simple trick.
‘Why, why are you doing this, Erika!’
‘With that, that dirty mouth, you call my name?!’
“Mmm…”
‘I told you to get lost, can’t you hear me? Ah, I guess you can’t even understand my words with those short ears, you inferior creature?!’
“Huu,”
‘Then I’ll do it with actions. Get out, now!’
My face twitches.
Blood trickles down.
On her face, that beautiful face,
A rather terrible smile appears.
She, smiled.
“Ugh.”
I couldn’t help but shudder as the terrible memories came back one by one.
Just, closing my eyes and splashing clear water on my face again –
I ended up plunging my whole head into the river.
“Gurgle.”
Let the dirty thoughts flow away.
Let the dirty memories be washed away.
Just, hoping to go back to those days.
“Gurgle.”
Hoping to live again, with a clear appearance.
“Khaa, uh, uhaa!”
…Someday, hoping to have the courage to face them again.
I sincerely wished for it.
I thought, wouldn’t they also be feeling the pain that I feel?
I thought so.
But wouldn’t that thought be eating away at me?
Such a thought also came to mind.
If it weren’t for the Goddess’s words,
If she hadn’t said that the Demon King had orchestrated all this,
Perhaps I would have resented them for the rest of my life.
…I wonder if it’s because I’m a bad person that I want to do that.
How far do I have to fall to be happy?
Love and happiness.
Goddess, was my resurrection really a good choice?
“Ah, aah… this, this isn’t right…”
Always smiling, encouraging and supporting her creations,
Sharing her love without reservation, that appearance is gone,
A pair of eyes watching Woojin with disheveled, lusterless blonde hair.
Even God is not invincible.
Even the Goddess suffers.
She saw Woojin suffering.
She no longer had the courage to look into his heart.
Endless screams, the fighting dogs created by that devil.
The terrible sound of satisfying hunger,
The squelching and tearing sounds.
That was constantly replaying in his mind.
Like a broken tape, only that scene was visible.
“This, this isn’t right… just, just…”
She wanted him to be happy.
Sincerely,
Even if she had to use a power she had never used before,
She wanted him to be loved.
Because he died without knowing what it was like to be loved, she wanted him to feel it.
But after he escaped death,
When they witnessed the truth,
Everything began to fall into a deep abyss.
Ruling the world, becoming the god of a world,
“Sob, sob…”
Is like that.
Responsibility, she didn’t know that word would be so heavy.
“I, I shouldn’t run away…”
She was so scared.
“That, that damn – ”
Curses she never wanted to hear or keep in her heart her whole life.
The daggers that creatures throw at those they ‘dislike’ with dark emotions.
She was constantly throwing those at one man.
She should have just, not eliminated him.
She should have given Woojin, a chance for revenge.
Now I feel this terrible hatred twisting my heart,
How much more would he be?
But, but.
The Demon King’s last laugh couldn’t have been that terrible.
The negative emotions that escaped her hands. That smirk thrown by him, who was born from the gathering of those emotions, a collection of remnants.
She couldn’t stand it without eliminating it.
And the future ahead was so scary.
“…What, what should I do…”
It was so scary and dark.
She is a newborn god.
A young god who hasn’t ruled the world for long.
She who didn’t understand the law of good and evil, light and shadow,
She who just wished for light to exist.
The naive her who believed that if she filled the room with light, darkness would not exist.
She was paying the price.
By witnessing the endless suffering of a man she brought from another world.
“It hurts, it hurts… sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
Her apology just lingered, with nowhere to reach.
She didn’t have the courage,
To even hear the saintess’s voice.
Even though countless priests offered prayers of thanks to her,
The screams of the four were louder.
More than ever, the despair was so great.
She wanted help.
Even though she is an almighty god,
She wanted help.
She desperately, desperately prayed.
That someone would correct her mistake.
…So she, with her eyes that see the world,
Began to slowly read books.
There must be a way.
Someday, she will find it.
To once again fill the world with happiness and love.